Learning to Let Go

Joel as a baby

First Day 2010- 2011 School Year

    Being a parent is such a wonderful gift from God. It is a blessing. It is not an easy thing to do at times. There are times of heart aches in raising children, or in my case a child. I wouldn't change a thing for the world. Heartaches really in raising a child is really a good thing. It is a chance for children and parents to grow, change, learn, and even bond.

   When I first became a parent I thought the hardest heartaches was: the first time you leave your baby with a sitter, when your child is sick and you can not take it away, their first surgery, or even your first night without them. To me those are easy now; grant it at the time they were hard to deal with at first, and still at times they are still heartaches.

   To me the hardest thing so far is letting my son go. First, was letting him go to preschool, because it meant he was no longer a baby. I dealt with it, because it was really just a couple of hours. The first day of preschool all three years (due to October birthday) I had tears I will admit. I would think that the this year it would of been easier, but truthfully it was just as hard to leave him. Every year was an awesome year as he grew and learned more and more both physically and mentally. 

Last Day 2010-2011 School Year

First Day 2011- 2012 School Year

   Going into this school year I knew it was Joel's last year of preschool, as next year he will be going to kindergarten. First, and last day of school for Joel still brought tears to my eyes as I knew he was no longer my little boy (but he always will be no matter what). We have been blessed the last two years with the same teachers for preschool teachers at his main preschool. They have been great! They loved to challenge Joel, because he learns at a fast pace. This year we added preschool an extra preschool program in a way. He is involved in a program called "wrap around".  Where he goes to a daycare, and he had been involved in their preschool program there as well. He will be at the daycare this summer to keep him learning and on somewhat of a schedule to prep him for school next year.

Last Day 2011-2012 School Year

   Yesterday, I think was hardest heartache yet, but it prepared me for next fall. Yesterday, Joel had kindergarten clinic for a couple of hours. I really had been having a hard time over this whole taking him to public school thing. Truth is I hate public school. Maybe it is because all the horror stories I have heard how schools have changed, or maybe it is because my difficult school years are fearing it will happen to Joel. I wanted to home school Joel, or send him to a Christian private school, but I can not afford Christian private. I basically got talked out of home schooling Joel (still an option if I don't agree with public). 

Last Day 2012-2013 School Year

First Day 2012-2013 School Year

   Anyway I took Joel to his kindergarten clinic. I took him to see the nurse, because next year he will have to take his special milk to her for his lunch (got to love a child with allergies). Then we got in line to greet the teachers, so he could get his name tag, and number so he can go with the teacher he will have for the day. The teacher he had for the day was the one that put his stuff on him. Then she took his little hand in hers, and they started walking down the hallway (tears begin to fill my eyes). Boy was it hard to see him go from holding my hand to walking away with the teachers hand. All of a sudden Joel stopped dead in his tracks. He says, "Wait a minute." He looks back at me, and says "Mommy, I need a hug and a kiss." I quickly gave him a hug and a kiss; while holding back the tears. I had to quickly turn my back and walk away as the tears started to flow out of my eyes. 

   I don't care what people say, or how you try to prepare yourself for the day that your child goes to Kindergarten. You are never prepared enough. Like I said maybe it is being a single mom, and Joel being my one and only that I will ever have that makes it so hard right now. If I was like this when he had kindergarten clinic what am I going to be like the first day of kindergarten this fall when he gets on the big yellow bus, and is gone every day all day. I will probably have a whole box of tissues used that day.

   I am very proud of Joel. He has done very well, and he loves learning. He is already missing school. So if I am a little sappy this summer it is because this whole letting go of Joel is hard for me. I just have to put my trust in God, teachers, and staff to take care of Joel for me.